5 Things Bartenders Need To Stop Doing Right Now
1. Growing Big Bushy Beards
Nice beard pal, would you mind putting a hairnet on that thing because I just found a dark and curly in my Dark ‘n Stormy.
2. Dressing Like They’re Going To A Gatsby Themed Party
Vest, bow-tie, arm-garter, pocket watch, a carnation on the lapel, a silk scarf in the pocket… We’ll give it to you, you look good, thanks for contributing to the ambience, now nip downstairs and haul up a fresh keg from the storeroom, please.
I ordered a brandy and coke because I felt like drinking a brandy and coke. Now you’re shaving a truffle over some artisanally crafted ice block. GTFOH.
4. Being Creative
Because there’s a bar between us I can’t go and fetch my own beer from the fridge. You can, and for this service I’ll leave you with whatever shrapnel I have after breaking a note. So save those flips and twists for the diving board, champ.
5. Being Male
The first professional brewers were women called Brewsters. You had to be beautiful to be a Brewster. Now we’re no sexists, so we’re fine with dudes brewing our beer if it’s the good stuff. That said, it’s always going to taste better when a woman pours it. Just saying.