Do I Choose My Wife Or My Beer?
I’ve been collecting beers from all over the world since I went on a high-school water-polo tour to Hungary in 1999. I’ve probably visited another 10 countries since then, and my mission has always been the same: bring back as many local brews as possible. Add to this the fact that whenever anyone I know goes anywhere there’s always a new beer in it for me, and you’ll begin to understand that my collection is an extensive one. Which would usually be fine, but the problem is that I’ve just got married and my new wife and I now live together. She says that the beers need to go. I want them to stay. What do I do? Do I choose my wife or my beer?
Hah, bet you’re thinking that I’m going to say something obvious like “keep the beers and give the old bird the heave-ho!” Back in my younger days I was known to wear a T-shirt on campus with the following message printed on the back: “My girlfriend said if I drink one more beer she’ll leave me. Gosh, I’ll miss her!” But having served many men ruined by expensive divorces, I’d ask you to consider this: despite this one flaw, your significant other is quite charming, yes? Which is why I recommend a compromise. Keep your beers, but house them in a suitably attractive receptacle. Why not bang up a modular shelving system that’s able to grow with your collection of future beer acquisitions? Something handsome that would take pride of place in your bar, man cave or garage. What, you’re no good with a tool belt? Perhaps you should focus on a hobby that benefits those around you and is more than just glorified hoarding? Have you considered home-brewing?
Do the right thing!
Dave’s a barman. Dave stays sober while you get drunk. Dave is part philosopher, part marriage counselor, part shrink and part priest. Dave serves them all. From guys celebrating the news that they’re going to be a dad, to the dude that just got laid off. You got a problem you ask Dave.